text

to begin and finish where we started
could be the ending of something
thought worthy

a fantasy
hanging in the wind
portals to give in
to another place of
perfection

to feel the nirvana of his caption
my calm texts submit to his desire
from this point
there is no return
no remedy

a painstaking reverence of
compositions forming immortality
has now found a place of
permanence
in my heart.

I was reading this book last night. I began to read a page I've read before. Strangely enough though, I finally paid attention to the words in this one certain paragraph that I'd always scanned past. Reading before I was waiting for information I was expecting to jump out. Things I already understood. This paragraph was about the future. It was a cloudy paragraph; words I couldn't comprehend at the time. This paragraph is now profound to mefor many reasons years later. It represents my open mindedness, my patience, my readiness for the unknown. Now. I read the world with my new eyes.

matriarch prophecy

i ruined love once
i knowingly knew his heart didn't belong to me
but still i held his gaze long enough for him to forget
every now and again
i have that affect
sometimes

i choose em real good
i take the most unavailable and feel secure
secure i know what is expected
a fail
guess i'm a creature of bad habit

i hold guilt like a security blanket
blaming myself for so many failed relationships
so many failed "loves"

at least
i used to

self fulfill prophecies

but i got a dream board and a secret prayer i pray everyday
now
i forgive myself for taking the low road those years
and run for the high road
literally
sometimes

prepping for the moment "he" brings his light to me
tweaking my cooking skills
transforming my tiny apartment into a home
building myself internally outward beautiful
starting an empire
leaving my daughter a legacy to be proud of

building my strength to be his rock
building my retirement plan to travel the world
bein all old and gray
to be
a
queen

this is what i pray every day in action
loving as hard as my life will let me
pouring everything into a family
the matriarch is my destiny

love.

Tonight
She lay restless
Moaning melodies away
Shaking off whispers
He spread through her.

She rocks
Slowly
Until her knees fall loosely
Seeking reprieve
In the coolness of her sheets.

Tonight
She prays into her pillow top mattress
Her sleeping pill is confession
Paying to the sum of her will
Praying to a force she can't wield
She seeks solemn through the night.

It's in this darkness
Her eyes gleam in vivid reverie
Reliving his splendid graze
Caressing the black curls fallen
Softness she urges to imitate
Yet his excite
Distinct

She
Fickle as the breeze he yearns
Tickles to the back of his warm neck
Hasn't found solace in his rest yet
Reminiscing her tender whisper
Neither sleep well
In tonight's bed.

Yet.